Pilihan

Kata orang, life is all about chooses.

Bangun pagi milih mau bangun apa lanjut tidur, udah bangun terus milih mandi atau engga, udah telat trus bingung makan apa engga, habis itu bingung nyatok gak ya, terus mikir mending naik ojek apa mobil, dst.

Funny though, setiap masa depan kita ditentuin sama setiap pilihan kita bahkan dari hal-hal terkecil kaya gitu. Dan kalo salah pilihan kadang bisa fatal.

Hal itu juga berpengaruh ke hal-hal yang lebih besar. Ada saat-saat tertentu kita harus milih dan pilihannya sama-sama buruk. Satu sisi kita kepengen nyoba buat set things all right, but in other hand kita takut buat jatuh ke lubang yang sama. And sometimes, we're just being stupid, ignoring our conscious mind, even lied to our own self and say "calm, things won't go wrong". Dan disitu sih kesalahannya kadang he he.

So, i'm not sure but, i thought i'm in the middle of fall for the second times situation. Gak tau juga sih, mungkin emang akibat overthinking dan kebiasaan buruk #1 yaitu expecting more. Lucu sih emang, kita semua punya kebiasaan buat berharap sesuatu tinggi-tinggi dan saat ga tercapai bakalan kecewa sendiri. Padahal jelas-jelas mengharap kepada orang lain pasti gambling bgt, based on habit manusia nomor satu yaitu suka ga nepatin janji. 

Dan kemaren Raisya ngasi share-an kayak gini

Trus gue mikir, masa sih?

Dan saat gue cerita ke temen gue yang lain, dia berpendapat yang beda.

Dia percaya kalau "love won't hurt you, if love is hurting you than it is not love"

Pandangan yang berbeda tapi dua-duanya accepted.

Pilih yang mana deh.

[ditengah-tengah belajar rangkaian digital & kebimbangan]

#super #gak #jelas

Overthinking

[Such a waste activity that played by your tricky brain, could drained your energy and ruins your happiness. Leaves you a big hole in the heart, pain, dissapointment, and insecurities for a long period.]

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SOSSSSS

please, i need fresh air and positive vibes. and good food, of course.

sincerely, me

the one who needed a rescue. from messy life.

Found My Way

[just a random story]

I have tasted failures. No, not just once, that thing repeatedly happened till I barely taste the pain. Feeling ignoranced and worthless. I was on my lowest situation.I do blaming myself, but the 'selfish-side' of myself win and end up blaming the situation more. So I always looking for the faults that maybe not really really there, or am I just trumped up the whole things.I always say to myself "you've done your best! it's not your fault, it's just the universe against you"

But then I realized, it's just only to cure the guiltyness inside me. More over, it didn't solve anything, and even make everything worsen. It's just only me, refused to accept the reality. 

No, I didn't do my very best.

I  didn't sacrifice my everything.

I still sputtered.

I didn't surrender all.

[Lesson learned.]

"surrender" is the keyword.

There came a reliefed feeling when I surrender all. I found peace. I'm feeling worthful.

Just like the fallen leafs blowing in the wind, I go anywhere fate took me. With just a tiny pinch of conviction that everything will go-just-fine.

Maybe everything wont go as what I planned to be (yes, still the hardest part), but it's only a matter of time for me to open my heart and see the rainbow through the rain.

For I know God has made me with a reason, with a mission; and it will never fail.

No regret, now i accept the reality.

Accepting the fact that I evidently wasn't born for the thing that I was "fight for". Thing that I've been dreamed of for my whole life. Thing that i thaught was destined for me. It wasn't easy. It takes time and sincerity, also willingness to throw far-far away your ego.
But, hey, moving on! A new fresh day will start tomorrow and I wont waste my time mourning and repining, for I know great things awaited for me to be revealed!

This is just a phase, called grown-up.

It may causes pain, but guaranteed the fruit will sweet.

Goodluck, for great things awaited for you to be revealed too!